When It’s Okay to Lie

A dialogue between me and my mother over cell phone:

Mother: “Where are you? Do you know what time it is?”

Me: “Maa, I’m on my way to home. Just got stuck in a never ending jam. Don’t worry.”

Mother: “Ok, come fast. I have made pakoras for you and it’s getting cold.”

I often say this to my mother when I meet my friends after a long time and get so engrossed with them in gossiping that I totally forget about the time. After reading the article, named “The Truth about Lying” by Judith Viorst, I was wondering whether these lie is a protective lie or a trust-keeping lie. I tell this kind of lie not to protect myself because I know she won’t scold me or give me any punishment for being late. I tell these lie to keep my mother away from worrying about me. Again, my mother trusts me a lot. She believes that I can never lie to her, I can never do anything wrong behind her back. Eventually, it is true. I never lie to her except this kind of minor lies. Sometimes, I think by myself that I’m doing a wrong thing. Somehow, I’m breaking her trust, but at least I’m not doing anything that can bring shame for my family or offend my parents. I just want to spend a little bit more time with my friends. It’s just a small piece of lie. I never lie to her in serious cases. Moreover, I never continue to lie for getting late. Sometimes, the dialogue after returning home is like this:

Mother: “Have you seen the time? Why you took so long?”

Me (with a grin on my face): “Sorry Maa. I met with my friends after a long time. That’s why; I was so engaged with talking to them.”

Mother: “Ok. Go and change. Tea is ready.”

We can’t generalize that a lie is indeed a lie, no matter it is small or big. Sometimes, we just don’t want to bother ourselves with unnecessary issues that we can avoid with a small piece of lie. Again, this kind of small lies sometime degenerate the situation. I could do something very offensive while telling those lies, but I never did and I don’t dare to do. So, I guess it varies from person to person. Those who are susceptible to do something wrong behind those white lies, should not continue to lie. They need to refrain themselves from telling lies.

In my opinion, a lie is okay until it’s not misleading someone, causing a big issue, or creating another lie. A proverb says, “Lying is the mother of all kind of crimes.” So, we should never tell such kind of lie that can cause a crime or create another lie. Otherwise, it’s just okay.

Mysteries about Lying!!!

Judith Viorst has mentioned forms of lying that seem
appropriate and necessary to be told. Social lies are told to maintain our
relationships (181); peace-keeping lies are created to “avoid irritation and
arguments” (182); protective lies are made up to protect our loved ones (183),
and trust-keeping lies are produced to keep our promises (184), for example. Today,
I will present to you different forms of lying that are easy to avoid, but we
human beings usually don’t want to do so. Are you curious? Are you fond of discovering
these enigmas?

Fun-making Lies

These lies are relevant to playing tricks on others.
We use them as a kind of diversion. We use them to make our friends happy. We
use them to push away depressed faces.

Before making these lies, we analyze their pros and
cons, but later, we sacrifice guilty feelings with smiles.

For instance, one of my friends imitated our
teacher’s voice and asked us to come to the conference room to talk about our
study results. At that time, our hearts were out of our bodies. However, when
finding out the truth, all of us burst out laughing.

Sometimes, feeling bored, I make up stories to deceive
friends, but later I feel guilty. How about you?

Reliable Lies

These lies are told to make others believe us.

Do you ever give your words to study so that your
friend agrees to work a group with you, but the concealed reason is because you
want to be with her? Similarly, before being voted, electors promise to do many
things. However, how many do have the abilities to realize all of their promises?

These lies are also called self-protective lies. To
become good images on others’ eyes, we somehow have to make up stories in which
we become either heroes or victims.

Do you tell your mother that because of playing
basketball, your fingers were injures? Or will you concede this wound is the
result of pillow fights with your sister at midnight?

Are you willing to acknowledge that your laziness
caused to your bad grades? Or will you make some excuses: “This test is too
difficult,” or “I was sick in that day, so I could not study”? I seem to be tempted
to tell lies. How about you?

Self-deceptive Lies

These lies
are apparent in the play “Death of the Salesman” by Auther Miller. For
instance, Willy faced self-deception when he put his too many expectations on
Biff. Under his eyes, Biff was a hero, who was admired and respected by many
people, including Oliver; however, it turned out to be that he was only a
shipping clerk, a thief, and a jobless boy. I don’t like this theme because Willy
was more devastated when the truth was divulged. How about you?

However, these lies are good in some cases. In fact,
they help us keep our morale and zeal to sustain endeavoring. “Everything will
be okay.” Many times I try to sedate myself before obstacles by murmuring these
words. How about you?

Secret Lies

Everyone, at one point of his or her life might have told lies. Either very big or very small, lies are lies, and they are morally wrong; however, the essay, “The Truth of Telling Lies,” by Judith Viorst talks about those lies which we have encountered at one stage of our lives. I would like to share a story and ask whether telling a lie is better than telling a truth.

Boy: Doctor, I have relentless pain in my head. I feel like someone is hammering me. Please, help me.

Doctor: I am sorry, but the report says you are suffering from brain tumor.

Boy: What? It can’t be true. Are you joking?

Doctor: No, my dear. You are in the second stage, and that is why you have been feeling those headaches. I’ll prescribe you some medicine, please take those.

Boy: Will I be cured by those medicines?

Doctor: I cannot assure you, but it will help you get relieved from your pain.

Boy: No, doctor. I don’t need those medicines which cannot cure me. I am the only son of my father. My mother died when I was a child. Since then, my father is my world. His dreams are connected with me. I have come far from my city to study, and I cannot let him down.

Doctor: But you need to take these medicines.

Boy: Why doctor? God is so unfair. Today my father needs me. He has a weak heart and often becomes sick .He dreams that I will take over his business and be a successful man. Now, God is taking me away from him. I want you to promise me not to tell anyone about my disease.

Doctor: Ok! However, you have to come weekly to visit me because I have to examine you.
Boy: Ok.
Since then, he decided not to disclose his secret. Whenever he visited his house, he would act normal. Although his doctor forbade him to eat meat, he would never deny his father’s cooking. When his pain became severe, he would lock him in his room and would not come out until he felt relaxed. His condition was getting worst as he started bleeding from his mouth. Once while he was at home, he started having the ominous symptoms again. This time he could not resist and felt unconscious in front of his father. When he was taken to the doctor, they found that he was fighting against death at the final stage of tumor. His father’s heart was broken into pieces.

So friends, I would like to ask you all, was the boy’s lie acceptable? What would you do if you were in his situation?

Truth Needs to be Revealed

While reading “Truth about lying”, the story of one of my close friends came up on my mind. When I was in standard ten, we met and she became very close friend of mine. There was a guy whom she liked a lot and one day luckily that guy proposed her. Instead of being in elation, she was in dilemma. As the day passed by, she started to remain silent and gloomy, while the boy was eagerly waiting for her reply. I still remember that evening when she came to me and asked what she should do. She told me that there used to be a guy whom she used to love, but her first love betrayed her. From that day, she stopped believing in love and any other guy. She liked the second guy who had proposed her, but she was afraid of being left broken again. Moreover, even if she accepted she was not sure whether to tell him the truth about her first affair. I told my friend to accept that guy and tell him the truth of her past. The next day, she accepted his proposal but couldn’t tell him about her past. Every time she met him, she thought that she would tell him but couldn’t gather the courage thinking that she would lose him. Their relation was going well, but to my friend’s astonishment her boyfriend found out about her previous affair by reading her diary. Both of them were left broken. My friend wanted to make everything clear but the boy was very much hurt that he didn’t want to listen to her. Next day I went and talked to that boy and managed a place for them to meet. Both of them loved each other so much that it was difficult for them to be apart from each other. That day the girl apologized to the boy and they end up happily. Till today, their relationship is going well and it’s the fourth year of their relationship.

 

I really get so puzzled thinking that to what extent we can lie to be with the person we love so much. Lucky me that I hadn’t have such situation to lie but if I was in my friend’s place, I wonder what I would have done. I think lies are not always bad. Sometimes we are forced to tell a lie not to let go the people we love or not to hurt them. It depends upon the people for whom we lie. Some understand upon finding out our truth and some leave us thinking that we are betrayer. Not to break trust and people’s heart, even though we hide the truth at first, I think, the truth should be revealed seeing the right time and right situation. Else, one lie can ruin our lives.

The Symbolism of Kabney and Rachu in Bhutan

Although we all are called as human beings in general, we have different ways of living and doing things. It is because of our artificially constructed national borders that has divided us, human beings, into different groups with different cultures, beliefs, norms, and manners. Every culture has its own symbols, tangible things that stand for something else, and metonym, small part of something that constitutes its whole part.

In Bhutan, kabney, a silk scarf worn with gho, national dress for men, is a symbol that shows different groups of professions. Colors of Kabney varies with one’s profession; however, all kabneys are 300 cm long and 90 cm wide usually with fringes on both ends. Just like the crown stand as a symbol for a queen, saffron kabney,in Bhutan, stand as a symbol for Druk Gyalpo, king, and Je Khenpo, chief abbot. Likewise, blue kabney stand for legislature, green stand for judiciary, orange stand for cabinets, and white stand for common men of Bhutan. Moreover, some kabney have stripes with different colors, which also differs with one’s rank.

Rachu is worn by Bhutanese women with kira, national dress for women. It is usually worn on the left shoulder. Just like kabney, some rachus represents women’s profession. However, most of the women wear red color rachu with different intricate designs. Both kabney and rachu are used as a way of showing respect while visiting temples, attaining official meetings, meeting high officials, and celebrating festivals.  Kabney and rachu also play important role in protecting and promoting Bhutanese culture and tradition.

Therefore, it’s must for a Bhutanese citizen to wear Kabney or rachu along with their national dresses during important or special occasions.