My Experience as a Migrant

While reading “NARRATING LOCATION: SPACE, AGE AND GENDER AMONG BENGALI ELDERS IN EAST LONDON” by Katy Gardner, the only thing that I reminisced about was the days right after coming to Asian University for Women. As those people were bound to remain inside a circle in this reading, my condition was also same. I couldn’t walk freely wherever I wanted. One difference that I found among these people and I as a migrant was that they were concerned about their country and place, whereas I am concerned about my family. Perhaps, the age can be the reason. The culture, environment, people and everything was new for me. That loneliness among the crowd of new faces, not being able to sleep due to wet pillows, and feeling everything in life has been messed up is what I still remember. I hated people and I hated being here then. Whole day I would miss my home and in everything I did, I would remember my mom. Migrating for me was not a good experience at first. Before coming here, there was fear of the new faces and new places which soon converted into hatred for those.

It has been eleven months since I came here and it is time to go back to my home and my people. But feelings are complicated. I love the people here and I am nervous to go and be with my people whom I left 1 year back. I fear of being an outsider in my own home and being lonely among my own friends and relatives. I had never thought that my life would take me in this situation from where I can see everyone is mine but the closer I go, the attachment gets weaker and weaker. I even don’t know if it is only my illusion, but things have changed and so have I. Sometimes I gather the memories and see myself in the mirror. What I see is I have come along very far from the world I used to be in. Messed up with these mixed feelings, I wonder what my days will be like when I reach my home among my family and friends. Whole year I panicked to be with my family and finally when the day is coming I guess my heart really don’t want to be there with them. Or maybe I want to be with them, but I don’t want to feel like outsiders. I exactly don’t know what I want and what this feeling is, but one thing for sure I have experienced that migration have changed my life drastically and I am still in confusion whether I have wanted my life to be changed this way or not.

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