Other Secrets

Other secrets

“August 25, 1981…

For June, my dear daughter.

Again, you and I misunderstood each other. Everything seemed to be opposite to my wishes. June, my daughter, you are growing up as I expected before. But I might be wrong; there has always been a big gap between us. I don’t blame you for that, but I am the one who has to bear all the responsibilities, especially the fault, the very serious one that I don’t have chance to tell.

I feel so tired to retain this secret. Today, I, like other thousand times, wanted to reveal it but my self-respect and embarrassment didn’t allow me. I know I don’t have any rights to be a mother. This is the first time I could open my heart and write down the truth. June, actually you have two sisters, the ones that I have told you about my life in China. I didn’t save them but my life first. Maybe you will say how cruel a mother was. The obsession has always been tracing me with the same nightmare every night. I don’t beg your forgiveness or pity, but beg you to judge me. I’m endeavoring to find them; luckily, I have some bright news. Hope that someday, I have enough courage to tell you. But, are we able to understand a simple thing tomorrow?

August 27, 1981

………………………………..”

I know you hear what I am about to say. I discovered this as well as some letters sent from China with your other daughters’ address. I can understand everything you concealed, but why you didn’t tell me before? Do you know that I feel regretful so much because I didn’t spend much time taking care of you and our June? Was I not your real husband, or didn’t you trust me? Did I treat you so bad that you reciprocate me by your unbelief like this? You don’t understand anything; you didn’t always get my points. You didn’t know that I did want to heal the relationship between you and June. You didn’t realize I helped you to find out your daughter. That will be the gift I am going to give you in the next our marriage anniversary. However, that is too late to sustain everything. What can I do now?… The most valuable thing that I can give you is to show June this diary, but this is not the suitable time. I want to know her decision to defer to the unfinished thing that you left. This is the last time I will help you. I will care for your daughters, our daughters until the day I go with you (Because I will never have other chances, and my fault doesn’t have a chance to recur).

Thu Nguyen

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One Response to Other Secrets

  1. meihuilan says:

    Thu, I really like the way you tell the secrets. It is very creative. What a great job you have done!
    I think that you must have understood the story clearly before you wrote the response, as you described the mental conflicts inside Suyuan and her husband exactly! Suyuan had lost her daughters before she came to America, which was a scar that existing in her mind. She tried her best to find them after she had another family in America. At the same time, she also wanted to be a good mother for June; she also tried very hard to teach her and communicate with her, even though her daughter could not understand her sometimes. I think your response has shown what a life she had. Moreover, as for Suyuan’s husband, I also think that he felt regretful about what he had done for Suyuan before (he had never pay attention to her thoughts and feelings). If he really does the things as you mentioned in your response, I think it will be the best thing that we want to happen.

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