An-mei Hsu’s Diary

An-mei Hsu,

I don’t know what the definition of family is. Does it mean two little children living without parents? Or does it mean to hate mother and to be scared of father? For me family is a group of people living under a roof with sorrows. No love, hating mother and escaping from own emotions. I think the only reason for living those people together is by birth they belong to that family.

I am the girl who doesn’t have reminisced about her mother. I am not familiar with this relationship. I love my mother, but I am prohibited to show my love. My grandmother used to compare my mother with ghost. My childhood was different than others. Others Wake up in the morning by hearing their mothers voice, but I woke up by hearing my aunt’s scold. When I cried nobody comes to stop my crying, I hide my face in my pillow and cried. Indeed, I searched  my family and friends in my dolls. I played and shared my feelings with them while others share their emotions, feelings ,and secretes with their mothers. From the childhood everyone are taught to love their mother, but my lesson was different. I was taught that my mother is the worse person in the world. I don’t know why she get married, but I know she love me because I could remember her red eyes. I met her in my dreams. Indeed, my memory for my mother is only my scar. Honestly speaking, I am happy to have this scar; otherwise, I don’t have anything to remember my mother.

Now the definition of family has been changed for me and I am happy being a part of my “own” family. My children’s are happy because they have both a mother and a father. Looking at my children I feel relax that they don’t have childhood as like me. I can understand what my children feel when they don’t see me. When they feel hunger, I feed them; when they feel lonely, I become their friend; when they are injured I cure them and when they make mistake I punish them. I don’t know whether I am a good mother or not, but I know I am a mother and I am always beside my children. I love my children and they also love me. We are a loving and happy family.

About iratahmid
I am a student of Asian University for Women.

2 Responses to An-mei Hsu’s Diary

  1. Thu Nguyen says:

    Dear Iffat, i like your diary very much, especially the introduction that you use the definition of a family in a opposite way. it is helpful for me to think deeply about her situation. she really didn’t receive any expresion of love from her other family members. i am also interested in the comparision of An-mei’s life with others. i can understand her feeling at that time that she was suffering the worst thing of the world (although she was not a only one). i agree with you that when we are sad, we often compare our lives with others who are better, and feel more depressed. however, don’t you think that she is also having another problem with her own daughter? although they live together, can they understand clearly each other? i think she told the story to compare her life and her daughter’s: living seperately and understand versus living together and misunderstand. which one is better in your opinion?

  2. kalpana23 says:

    Wow! you’ve greatly interpreted An- mei’s feelings. It is a very touchy- feely diary. I don’t know why, but I felt like I am An-mei, and I’ve written the diary. You’ve flowed your melancholy and pain spontaneously from your heart. The overflow of your feelings has made sadness in your diary more realistic. You have expressed both sadness and happiness in your diary. Yes, you are right! you were sad and had to be deprived of maternal love, so you know how painful the life is when our mother is not with us. Now, it is very good to learn that your children have got chance to experience what you are unfamiliar with. Moreover, as you try to be a good mother to your children, it is obvious that you, truly, is a good mother. Good luck! Keep your children always happy.

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