Relation between mother and daughter

In “joy luck club” we are reading about mothers and their daughters. Every mother has a past and a present. Though their relation is universal, mother and daughter, but there are differences among their relations. For example, Jing-Mey and Suyuan’s relation and An-mei and Rose’s relations are not equal. Similarly, Ani-mei and popo, Lindo and her mom, and Ying-Ying and her mom, all have own pattern, background and present limitation between their mother-daughter relation. When they the mothers were daughter, they also used to think about self interest, but after being mother they always think about their daughter. Moreover, they think their daughters will be mothers one day. So they are willing to teach them how to be a mother, how much patience is necessary and how to hide own pain when a daughter neglect her mother. In joy luck club, we see that every mother wants to be close to their daughters. Indeed, it’s universal that, a mother is the closest person of a daughter and a daughter is the closest person of a daughter. Though they have different life style, education, ideas, it’s the mother who gives power to her daughter to have a better life than her, and it’s the daughter who inspires her mother to live long in the world with dignity.

In our practical life, we also have different dimensions in our relations with our mothers. We all feel very close to our mothers, when they take care of us, fulfill our wish, inspire and help us to reach our goals. Sometimes we think, for my mom I’m living in the world. However, when they don’t allow us to do as our wish, give advice or force to do something, we really get angry. We daughters think that, mother’s duty is taking care of us. We don’t think they are also human being, they also have own life, own story and above all the right to express themselves. We occasionally think about their life’s struggle.

My dear friends, I talked a lot. But my purpose is to inspire you to think individually about your mother. Think that we are the future mother and we are determined to change the world. So if today we don’t care about our mothers, we won’t be cared by our children. If today we feel board to hear our mother, how can we hear from all mother and women cross earth in the future? So, we should think that everyone’s have a story which influences his/her behavior. If we remove today’s boring, we can win the future.

Accidental Answer to “What Is Love?”

After reading Pablo Neruda’s poem about love, I found many questions in my mind. I was confused about the meaning of love, because what I had heard and read about love was completely different from what Neruda had described in his poem. As a result of my confusion, I started surfing net to find the true and appealing meaning that can persuade me. I could not find anything to convince me. During this bewilderment, I opened my Facebook to have a break. After only a few minutes I received a message in my Facebook which surprised me. It was the thing that I was looking for, a poem about love! It was by Rumi (the famous persian poet1207-1273)! I could not believe my eyes! That accident made me look for the page that had sent the message. There, I found a beautiful video that encouraged me to share both the poem and the video.

Here you are the mesmerizing poem from a poet who was in love so that everything could remind him his dear beloved and would make him dance and sing. However, his beloved was not a human body but he was God.

Love is longing and longing, the pain of being parted;
No illness is rich enough for the distress of the heart,
A lover’s lament surpasses all other cries of pain.
Love is the royal threshold to God’s mystery.
The carnival of small affections and polite attachments
Which litter and consume our passing time
Is no match to Love which pulses behind this play.
It’s easy to talk endlessly about Love,
To live Love is to be seized by joy and bewilderment;
Love is not clear-minded, busy with images and argument.
Language is too precocious, too impudent, too sane
To stop the molten lava of Love which churns the blood,
This practicing energy burns the tongue to silence;
The knowing pen is disabled, servile paper
Shrivels in the fire of Love. Bald reason too is an ass
Explaining Love, deceived by spoilt lucidity.
Love is dangerous offering no consolation,

Only those who are ravaged by Love know Love,
The sun alone unveils the sun to those who have
The sense to receive the senseless and not turn away.
Cavernous shadows need the light to play but light
And light alone can lead you to the light alone.
Material shadows weigh down your vision with dross,
But the rising sun splits the ashen moon in empty half.
The outer sun is our daily miracle in timely
Birth and death, the inner sun
Dazzles the inner eye in a timeless space.
Our daily sun is but a working star in a galaxy of stars,
Our inner sun is One, the dancing nuance of eternal light.
You must be set alight by the inner sun,
You have to live your Love or else
You’ll only end in words.

~Mevlana Rumi

Translated by Raficq Abdulla

Work without love

Love makes everything perfect. Working with love means love your own work. Whatever you do, but do it with love that will help you to make your work inclusive. Everyone should love their work. Its consequences will remain during their whole life time. Similar to this, working without love also has an awful lifetime consequences. By giving a short anecdote this can be explained more specifically.

It is an anecdote about a boy who suffers most for not loving his works.

In childhood,

There was a boy who didn’t love studying. As a student, his first and foremost work was studying. He always procrastinated his homework. By doing this, he became lazy. Before the examination he never prepared his studies well. For this reason he always got poor marks. After that, he passed his school with poor grades.

In youth,

When the boy became a young man he needed to work. He did not want to work and didn’t appreciate all works. Though he had to support his livelihood, he started searching for jobs. For getting a job, he had to face a hard time; due to his preference and poor grades, he didn’t get a good job. After a long time he started working with a low salary and bed condition. Every day he went to work unwillingly. He didn’t love his work because it seemed tedious to him and during his work time he felt it doesn’t pass. Every day when he went to the job he starts counting minutes and hours for finishing his work time. He felt pressure on doing his works; therefore, his life became massy. Eventually, he can’t terminate his work properly and most probably every day his boss scolded him.

In age,

When he was in the age of sixties, he didn’t have the ability to work. He had to spend his time by remising what he should have done or shouldn’t have done in the past. He wished he would love his work and could make his live more meaningful.

According to the eminent writer Khalil Gibran, everyone should love their work. If anyone can love their work, then they can recognize love and know the meaning of time. They can enjoy their work time. However, no work is dire and all work should be appreciated. Moreover, working with love can help then to live a happy life and have nothing to remorse. So, I think work makes life meaningful, and everyone should love their work.

Response to “The Red Candle”

When I read the short story of Lindo Jong from the novel “The Joy Luck Club” by Amy Tan, I became surprised to read Lindo’s sacrificing life for keeping her parents’ promise.

In this story, in every passage I could feel how much it was hard for Lindo to lead her life by keeping reminding herself about the promise. It was really astonishing to feel how much obedient she was to keep her parents’ reputation. Like her, I am obedient too to keep my promise not only to my parents but also to others. When I was young, my parents told me not to do such deeds that would lessen their reputation in the society. So, whenever I do any activities, even now I ask myself whether my deeds will lessen or add to my parents’ status. When I get the answer from my mind that it won’t lessen their reputation, I do the actions. For example, when I was a child, my mother told me that our society didn’t appreciate a girl walking with a friend (male) in the street, or taking meal together in a general place. In my college, I had many friends (male & female). Once they proposed to go to a restaurant to eat fast food. As I remembered my promise, I didn’t go with them. I always try my best to keep my promise. For instance, I spent my childhood in a middle-east country named Oman. I had many friends in my school there. Two of them were very close to me. Therefore, when I was coming back to Bangladesh, we promised each other that when we would grow up, we would find one another. One year ago, I learned from newspaper that face book had become very popular among everybody and it is easy to find friends there. Although I didn’t like face book too much, I opened an account here to find my friends. As a result, I found them in face book and in this way I kept my promise.

In conclusion, may be to keep these promises I didn’t have to sacrifice my life like Lindo; however, I had to sacrifice some of my happiness to keep promises especially my parents’ promises. In the story, if I were Lindo, I would try my best to keep my parents’ promise. However, one day I might lose my temper and burst out forgetting all about my promises, or I might make a plan like Lindo to balance all sides and thus, enjoy freedom.

The Red Candle

After reading The Red Candle, I came to draw a conclusion that most of the traditional believes have no significant role in our life. These are only the assumptions of people. It is clear from this story. Lindo changed her marriage life through the use of the traditional belief that marriage will break in the future if the candle of marriage blows out before it fully turned into ash. She herself had blown the candle. She also used the Chinese tradition of respect for their ancestor. She used the name of Tyun yu’s grandfather for breaking of her marriage by saying that it was his grandfather’s wish to break the marriage and there was no adverse effect on her for the misuse of her traditional value.
The Chinese traditional belief about the marriage remembered me about my traditional belief about marriage and the one of the unforgettable memory of my life. According to my tradition, girls have to attend three marriages throughout the life- with Bel, a type of fruit; sun and a real person. We believe that the first and second marriages with Bel and sun determine our real marriage life and we should handle that fruit carefully. I had also performed the ritual of marrying Bel. I was so small maybe about 4 years and I was not known what I was doing. I was playing with Bel and unfortunately the tip of the Bel was broken, I was badly scolded and was told that because of that I will lose my husband in early age. I had cried for a long time and suddenly my mother asked me if I knew the meaning of husband. Though I was not known about the meaning of husband, there was certain pain in my heart. Finally, my mother said me that it was just a ritual and I was quite. Though I was quite, there was something that was hurting me. But my second marriage was greatly successful with bright sun. There is belief that if the sun glows brightly in the day of marriage, it is taken as luck for the real marriage. I was really confused which of the traditional value of the marriages was to believe.
Now, I can say that these traditional believe were only created to establish a society and had no magical effects in our life.

Responnse to “The Way We Age Now”

I read the article, “The Way We Age Now.” As I went through the article, I, suddenly, happened to think that I am too aging in every second of time. The more I read about the changes in different body parts, the more I felt I am aging. I moved my fingers through my hair thinking this hair will turn gray one day. Similarly, I felt my eyes lovingly wondering, “What will happen if I am not able to see with my eyes?” A series of questions arose in my mind regarding other body organs.

However, I reminisced about “The Pursuit of Immortality” that I read in Reading and Writing class last week. I thought, “The scientists are researching and experimenting to find out tactics to alter the ‘natural law of death.’ They have made progress much further. Therefore, there must be ways of not aging too as it is very simple matter in comparison to the challenge to death.” Later, I came to realize that aging can be decelerated, but cannot be ceased utterly. Moreover, we can remain healthy and live independent life even in our seventies and eighties.

In the article, Atul has mentioned about “Geriatrics.” Atul has supported his arguments giving an example of a geriatrician, Felix Silverstone. Felix was in his eighties, but still, he was robust, healthy, and independent. Most surprisingly, he supported and looked after his blind wife though he, himself, is in his eighties. While I was reading this, I was interrogating with my mind, “Felix’s wife was blind due to aging, but he is still strong enough to help and support his wife and even to drive car. From this anecdote, may it be implied that aging occurs only to women? Why was only his wife blind? Why not he?” In the course of reading, I found out that there is a very easy way of not getting old – of keeping our body parts as they are. The tactic is that we should have of a wish of not getting old and a strong determination to make that wish come true. Here, determination constitutes maintaining balance diet, doing regular exercise, and doing regular health checkups.

So far as I know, there are also medical and surgical methods not to age. Hence, people in the present era age in the speed of a turtle pace.

Another History of China

I want to change the ending of the story “The Moon Lady” in The Joy Luck Club. After the girl, Ying-Ying, lost in that occasion, the fishermen dropped her beside the lake. She wasn’t able to meet her family members; therefore, she was lost in China. Her parents searched for her all around in China, but they did not find her. One of the Japanese invaders, Aung, found her in a village, and he took her Japan as a child servant for his home. After that all family members of Ying-Ying heard that she was in Japan. Her father, mother, and Amma had gone Japan to bring her back. However, when Aung saw these Chinese, he killed her father and kept these women as his concubines. All Japanese gave a lot of pain to these three women. They suffered a lot in Japan. Since there was a conflict between China and Japan, no one was helping them to come out from that country. After a few years elapsed, Amma and Ying-Ying’s mother made a plan to run away from that country with Ying-Ying. Once, while they were trying to escape from there, one member of Aung’s family saw them. After that they were locked for forever in his house. However, little Ying-Ying was not locked because she was doing all household chores. Every night, these three women were making plans about how could they escape from that prison. They were also thinking about making changes in China and removing all the Japanese from China. One night Aung’s son, Peter, heard their conversation, and at midnight he unlocked the door where they were trapped. That boy helped them to go back China. These ladies went back to China and worked as leaders and helped many people to save their lives from Japanese terrorists. They also raised their voice against the Japanese. Ying-Ying worked as an editor in her own newspaper company, Wake Up Chinese, and wrote articles to motivate people to take part in the movements. After a few years, the Japanese gave up, and China became an independent country. Ying-Ying was the prime-minister of that country. She made many positive changes such as helping poor people, establishing many schools, and eradicating unemployment. She worked very hard to develop her country. In the present age, China is developing at a fast rate and making its position in the world due to her. At the end, Ying-Ying got married to Peter (Aung’s son) to establish peace between China and Japan.

Joy Luck Club

In “The Red Candle” Lindo Jong says that no one showed up in her first wedding due to the Japanese invasion in her country. This quote did not influence me much as I had not experienced this kind of problems in my life before. It was just a normal part of the story as others were.

However, here is how I felt the next day after reading that. I read this chapter at night and went to bed immediately. I saw an extremely horrible dream that night. It was all about the invasion of Japanese in Sri Lanka.

The whole village, including my relations and parents but excluding me, were supposed to leave our own houses and go elsewhere. Japanese especially wanted me for them; they wanted my blood. They came home by home and strictly told everyone to vacate the area as soon as possible-without even delaying a minute. I felt that I am lost to my parents and they are lost to me; both of us are no more going to meet each other hereafter. The Japanese did not allow me to talk my final words to my parents. They fiercely told that they will have to take my parents also with them if they delay any more. Furthermore, they told that my parents also will have to be killed after if they continue staying there. Hence, I begged my parents to leave the place immediately, and to migrate somewhere else and live peacefully. Tears were rolling from my parents’ eyes like water falling from the top of the mountain. I told them to forget me as there were two more children to them to be taken care of: my younger brother and younger sister. I asked them to get out of the place soon. However, they did not dare to leave me alone with them and go.

Since the Japanese intention was totally on me, they pulled me and put me into their vehicle. I could even bit my parents a farewell. During the journey, they asked me to obey all of their orders; if not they will kill me within a couple of days. They told me that I won’t be supplied with any sort of materials to live: at least food! They told me the horribe things  about what I am going to face there.

When I got up that morning, I was so frightened and felt like wanting to talk to my parents immediately. Even though this was just a dream, it depicted how the situation would be when the aliens try to invade your area.

On Children

I appreciate Khalil Gibran’s point of view about the rights and duties of parents in the poem, “On Children”. His poem contains both exclusive and inclusive explanations on what parents are expected to do or not to do.

 He restrains parents from treating their children as if they are a part of their properties. For example, he believes despite that parents give life to their children; they can’t claim owning them by trying to compel their ideas and thoughts to them. They can’t want their children to live the way they have lived, because children are the living creatures who have their own thoughts, ideas and attitudes. Parents can give their children their love and care; however, they can’t take their children’s soul for being their parents.

On the other hand, Gibran alludes to a delicate subject which is what parents are considered to do. He drops a hint that though parents should not try to dominate their children’s heart and mind, they are responsible for their future. He has used a good metaphor by calling the parents, bows — the bows that despite their intimacy with the arrows cannot hold them with themselves and should send the arrows as far as they can. They work with each other but they are not supposed to be with or for each other forever.

  Furthermore, these bows are owned and empowered by an archer. Considering Gibran’s religious point of view (as someone who has studied religion and ethic), this archer can be: God. Gibran believes that all parents are in the hands of the God who has aimed the infinite direction for the all of us. He wants each arrow to go beyond the limitation of place – the infinite; thus, he bends the bows using his great power to propel us to our destination. He likes to see us moving to the right direction and reaching there. And he likes our parents bearing the difficulties to help us initiate this journey.

Khalil Gibran has written this poem to remind all of us, the today’s children and tomorrow’s parents, the great and delicate responsibility of parents. They can lead their children, the arrows of the archer, to their eternal life if they manage to do their job successfully, without mixing what they are should do and what they should not. The more parents endeavor for their child, the more God likes them.

Zahra Saifey

Response to “The Red Candle”

“The Red Candle”- the third chapter of the novel The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan, is a heart-touching life story of a girl named Lindo Jong. Lindo was a victim of those evil superstitions that existed in the Chinese societies about 100 years ago. Though it sounds ridiculous, it was her destiny that she was betrothed to a boy at the age of two only. Then she had to go her in law’s house at the age of 12 where she was treated as the servant girls, and was coerced to do household chores by her mother in law. Moreover, her sufferings were increased when she realized that she was married to a gay who had no interest in girls. Lindo wanted to escape from her in law’s house, but she had her parents’ promise to keep. At last another superstition helped her to get rid of that unhappy condition.

When I was reading “The Red Candle” I was simultaneously reminiscing about Shabanu’s life- the main character of the novel SHABANU: Daughter of the Wind by Suzanne Fisher Staples. Shabanu was an 11 years old girl of Cholistan desert in Pakistan who was also betrothed to a boy from her childhood. Shabanu also sacrificed her life for her family’s happiness by getting married to Rahim Sahib who was of the same age of her father, and who had had already three wives.

Let’s look at the Bangladeshi societies. It was my grandmother who was married to my grandfather at the age of nine even when her monthly period had not started. She used to sleep with her mother in law until her menstrual cycle begun. Now here is the question, “What’s the cause to marry off a girl at such a tender age?”  At that time, it was a custom to send the girls to their in law’s house before they get mental and physical maturity. They believed that a matured girl would not obey her in laws. They used to send a girl to her in law’s house at a tender age so that her mother in law could teach her every household chores and social manners according to their own society. At that little age, a girl couldn’t understand what is right or wrong, so she used to lead a life in a way her in laws taught her.

In conclusion, we can say that destroying a girl’s life through early marriage is not only a Chinese custom; it was existed and still existing for decades in every society wherever it is in China, Pakistan or Bangladesh. It is the common phenomenon of gender inequality all over the world whenever it is in the past or now. However, I appreciate Lindo for her clever trick to escape from her in law’s house. She was the fortunate one- I have to say, but everyday thousands of girls are still sacrificing their lives to uphold their parents’ honor.